"It's All Right To Be Left"
The concept I am struggling with is the idea that it is more difficult for survivors than it is for those who have gone before us. The writer who has put this idea into my mind is Forester Church and in his book Love and Death.
This is what he has written:
"Few of us are unafraid of death. Death is the ultimate mystery. But there is a way to counter this fear. It lies in our courage to love. Our courage to risk. Our courage to lose. Many people have said it in many different ways. The opposite of love is not hate. It is fear.
There are so many instances in our daily lives when our fears stand in the way of our potential to love. How many ways we find to armor and protect ourselves. We sense the risk, of course. That is the main reason we act in the ways we do. Every time we open ourselves up, every time we share ourselves with another, every time we commit ourselves to a cause or to a task that awaits our doing, we risk so very much. We risk disappointment. We risk failure. We risk being rebuffed or being embarrassed or being inadequate. And beyond these things, we risk the enormous pain of loss.
For instance, however much we try we cannot fully protect our loved ones from fatal illness or accidental death. However much we love them, we cannot insulate them from failure and disappointment. However much we would wish to, there are times when we are powerless to heal or save.
We pay for love with pain, but love is worth the cost."
Forester Church is reflective about these matters because he has learned he does not have long to live. He is thinking about his loved ones and the legacy of his life.
Is it harder to love than to die?
Some think so.
What do you think?
If you have thoughts on this subject write me at charlesschuster@fcfumc.net. If you are willing to have others read your thoughts click on the box below.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Charles Schuster
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2 comments:
It seems that if we live without love we are living in a state of fear. We must not fear rejection, embarrassment or failure when building relationships of love because they (the relationships) are far more valuable than momentary blips of unhappiness in our lives. Love is not to be feared. Love is all good. There is no sadness in love. Our sadness does not come from the love we've given to those we lose or hurt, but rather our failure to love them fully and unconditionally. We reflect on what lacked in our relationship and, unfortunately since we didn't love fully and unconditionally we say that loving is harding than dying when, truthfully, it's the lack of sharing our love that makes us sad.
Once we are able to really, truly accept the reality of death, of loss, of the impermanence or everything, only then can we appreciate life. Only then can we live fearlessly -- after all, what do we have to lose but the opportunity to deeply experience what it is to be alive -- the joy and the pain, the happiness and the grief. Loving is harder than dying because it requires us to let go of our ideas about ourselves and about others and admit to ourselves that we're just as flawed as everyone else -- and just as magnificently human!
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